#242One night last month I found myself uneasy, unrested and unable to sleep and once again scrolling through Facebook. Asking the Lord for his help in getting me through the night as I often do and most times I’m up all night until 3 am sometimes 4 . You would think that the Lord has forgotten me but it is so ironic that in nights like these I seem to come across the most unusual things that grab me that I will often find very interesting things that I’ll either save to my phone or write or take a screen shot because saving it to my memory is not gonna hold up and even God knows my weakness. He knows in times like today where my heart is kinda aggravated and I’m just kinda bent often times my writing will suffer . I’ll go back through my phone and look at all my photos I’ve saved on those restless nights of sleep and the same photos that jumped out or grabbed me out of nowhere that caused me to save them for whatever reason will be put to good use in such a time as this. So he can help me learn the art of why love is an action word and we must not mimic our Parents and their actions or words as children but learn from them as adults . We must learn to mimic our Father and his actions and Words that he taught us through the love of his Son Jesus Christ because while are own parents love us unconditionally and they do. They too , are only human. They too make mistakes and should not be held accountable for them for the rest of their lives and they too have a right to be forgiven just like each and every one of us who sins on a daily basis who Jesus died for. Everyday I watch adults , me included, hold on to that bitter seed every day for something that their Father or Mother did to them years ago . Some people even sixty years ago! Their Father or Mother has probably already been laid to rest , yet they cannot make peace with the fact the man or woman who done them so dirty , so wrong who no longer is even living is still taunting them. I got news for you. It is not their Father or Mother taunting them. It is the Devil and the demons and the invisible war that they are not seeing that is going on all around them and has been going on all around them for sixty years of their life since Satan has been tied up and the Devil has been in control of this world. It is the demons that whisper in the ear of those people and often times good Godly men and woman who know the Word of God. Baptized Brothers and Sisters in the name of Jesus Christ. Who are armed and dangerous . Who have the power given to them through Jesus Christ to not be harassed any longer by the Devil and his demons to be taunted and controlled and left feeling angry and disturbed and depressed and mad at everyone else who has the seemingly perfect family that they did not get . That they pick fights with the spouse that were given both sets of parents even if their Spouse came with a crazy set of parents and the most dysfunctional household you can imagine. It doesn’t matter. Atleast their Spouse had both a Mother and Father. Then there is the Spouse on the otherhand taking the verbal abuse from the person that vowed to love ,honor ,trust ,obey and lay down their life for them as Jesus Christ has laid down his life for the Church.I have to ask the men out there . How many of you would lay down your life for your wives? Now I ask the same man out there. How many of the same men would lay down your life for your children? Now , I ask the same men , if you had to choose between your wife or your child, what would your answer be ? If you chose your child. You would not lay down your life for your wife. That answer God is looking for is your wife. You can always have other children. God only gives you ONE wife. If you do not believe me. Go ask a man of the cloth. I have asked several and put many on the spot and they have gave me the same answer. Different wording. Same conclusion. By God’s Mercy and Grace God would never put us in that position of course. I always like to see a person’s face when I say , that was not the question. I’m asking what is God expecting of a man to do. When I get like that most people say that I would be great in politics . I always laugh and say a great filibuster yes . Politics no. I’m too level headed for politics and I make too much sense and I would go all the way back to what our Forefathers were meaning without disecting the words and worrying about offending every person in the world. I believe in hoeing your own row. Staying in your own lane. Raising your own children and if you cannot at birth, take care of them, or atleast make an attempt , they go to a family at birth that cannot have children before they get stuck in a broken system. That sounds harsh.. doesn’t it ? I don’t think so. I was a teenager mom who worked at a meat market all through her pregnancy and it did not kill me. I got my Daughter Alyssa paid off when she was three years old. I made monthly payments to the Adams County Hospital every month for twenty dollars. I stayed out of trouble and did no drugs. I lived with my parents and when Alyssa was born ,my Dad became her guardian so she could go on his insurance until I could get a factory job and provide her better things and health coverage . Why ? Because I wanted better things for my Daughter. When Alyssa was a brat in a store and went stiff and threw a fit. She got drug out of the store on her hands and knees kicking and screaming . You can ask my Cousin April on this one as she was a witness and never did have children . Alyssa did get her little butt smacked in the parking lot and chewed out all the way home for the scene she made in aisle 4 at Kmart on Thanksgiving day early bird special and got nothing bought for her. As a teenager if she threatened to call her Grandparents to go live with them because I was a mean old Mom . I would hand her the phone and say good, let them pay for your cell phone bill. I was not a kind butt kissing Mom to my oldest child and because of that Alyssa is a lot different as an adult then my other children and it shows. When she comes down our lane to visit. Her little sisters scatter like rats because they know their older Sister is gonna come in like a lion and make them pick up their toys and help their Mom clean up their mess. Because she knows Mom has not been feeling well and they are old enough to know better. They are taking advantage of a good thing gone wrong. Up up up…. With my second oldest Child . My Bubsy(his nickname) Eli. I started to cut back a little on rules because I was divorced from Eli’s Dad and the Devil got his way and broke up the Family unit. I spoiled Eli a lot more then I did Alyssa. I was not married to Alyssa’s Dad. So in my eyes there was no family unit to tear a part because Alyssa had so much family love that, that girl was like a little performing monkey in the family. She got so much love. But from me ,her Mother , she got tough love. She will be the first to admit that.These days the children have changed and do you know why? Because the Government has allowed it. It’s like me complaining about my kids being spoiled and tearing up the house . Well , who the hecks fault is that ? The Parents dah ? Stop buying them crap they don’t need and say no. Start demanding that they pick up their mess and do more.. Or quit complaining their spoiled and unhelpful. Doesn’t that seem to make sense ? We brought it on ourselves America. Just like I’m bringing it on myself. We gave the children the right to become looters when we took the rights away from the parents to parent their own children and the Teachers to teach their own students in the way they seem fit in their own classrooms. When students can go into a class room and play on their phone and not be present and be a disruption to those that want to learn and the Teacher gets reprimanded for trying to remove the student for being a mouth piece because teenage little Johnny smart mouthed the Teacher by calling them a slurred name and the Teacher had no right to take their phone away and some other student posted what they wanted too on social media making the Teacher look worse then it was and now the Teacher is on unpaid leave and may lose their job and still have to pay all their collage student loans off and now the student and parents are gonna sue the school for damages to the phone and psychological trauma to little Johnny for all he went through. Do you see something wrong with this picture America? America did this to themselves. Do you know the funny part. The devil doesn’t even have to try with America because America is doing it to themselves. He’s popping popcorn and watching the show ! How do you feel about that! ? Take it all in because this is just the previews. You have not seen anything yet America.I was on social media the other day and I seen a picture of the most precious baby girl no older then 2 or 3 walking with her Mama protesting and she had a sign around her neck that said. “I hate Police” I started to cry. Literally busted out crying. I’ve done that before. Something will come over me. Like the Holy Spirit takes over and my heart breaks and I just sob like I can feel the Spirit of God and how he feels the way he feels when my heart is broke. But there’s no way God would bring me sorrow or pain because he is good. Jesus is joy and love and peace. So how come I was crying and sobbing like that? Over a little African American child with such harsh words around her neck not even knowing what they meant? The sins of her Mom , the anger, hate , frustration and sorrow around her neck of her Mother’s pain plaguing her and weighing her down. Baring false witness against her neighbor. That is a Sin and her Sin has now become her Daughter’s sin. That is a crime against our Father. I realized then that her Mother may one day be responsible for her Child’s Sin and maybe a crime if that little girl grows up to have a chip on her shoulder with the police and cannot find it in her heart to love the police. She may one day look upon them as the enemy. It occurred to me that I have two Cousins and many friends who wear that badge with honor and bravery. What if they would ever come in contact with her or a person with that sane attitude baring that same grudge and Sin. I love my Cousins and they are not bad cops or bad men. My Cousin Lenny has spent his life being a good police officer getting down level with the children of our own community just to make a difference. The children of our community who have no Father’s and the children of our community who do have Father’s look up too. Lenny as a mentor. I’ve watched him spend countless hours of his own time having lunch with these children, shopping with these children. I’ve seen these children wrap their bodies around his arms and legs like a brother, a friend , a Father. They absolutely love this guy. They love my Cousin. They love this police officer. They do not hate him and that is a fact. They loved him when he was a Police Officer. They loved him when he was a Detective and some of them have grown to be adults and still love him as the Chief of Decatur ,Indiana. So if I was sobbing it was because we have Mommy’s and Daddy’s out there brainwashing our children to hate the authorities that are out there protecting our nation and keeping order and saving the other little lives that have no Fathers or Mothers and they are the one’s that do deserve a chance in this life to have a good life. As a Mother of five children and taxpayer of the United States. I’m here to say that this crap needs to stop right now in our Country. If people are going to badmouth our Authoirities and brainwash our children in public. This should be illegal. That is not freedom of speech that is child abuse. America , you have been losing your rights from the day you were born. The day the Devil has had you under his power. The day he has been taunting you with his lies, his shame , his guilt , his sin , his mistakes, his sorrow, his pain , his envy, his hate , his regrets. You have had no rights since the day you were born America. The only right you have , is the the right to tell the Devil to go to hell and stay there in Jesus name. Stay the hell away from you , your family and your children . God gave you that right the day Jesus Christ died on that Cross and died for each one of us . Use that right , use God’s Word when he is using you to remind you that your still in chains . You may be IN this world but you are not OF IT and the Devil does not want you to know that.
#241They always say you should count sheep if you cannot sleep or drink some warm milk before bed. I always find it helpful to plug in my earbuds and listen to either my Cousin Abel’s Sunday Sermon and not because it puts me to sleep or anything ( he’s gonna laugh at that ) but because there’s something about the Word of God that is very helpful in bringing peace . If that does not work then you better go clean your ears out. No just joking. Relax. Pray and ask God to help motivate you to want to know , understand and be drawn more to his Word . He’ll help you in his own way that he knows will work for you. He helped motivate me by putting me on the spot with helping my friend Ethel teach Vacation Bible School for a week to a bunch of pre-k through kindergarten kids about four years ago . I thought I was signing up for cafeteria duty! I learned a lot that week. I learned I did not know how to pronounce a lot of Biblical names in the Bible. Who names there kids Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego? Nothing motivatived me more but to learn the names and stories of the Bible when I had such a hard time pronouncing those names for those little kids. They didn’t know the difference that I was struggling but I sure did and I felt like a stooge. I also learned that while I struggled through storytime .I enjoyed the many stories of the Bible. Many I had forgotten. When my friend Sue , who I often refer to as my Ethel and for obvious reasons – would alternate with me reading the Bible stories every other night to the Children were very interesting . God started motivating me with Children’s Bible books with illustrations. When I started getting motivated to read the Bible . God started me out with childrens books. He did not start me out on the adult Bible. He started me on Children’s Bible’s and he made it very fun for me . I moved up when I was ready . I also learned that little kids are nuts . I thought my own kids were nuts at age four and five but after a week with a group of everyone else’s kids you learn real quick your kids were pretty good at that age. I also learned kids that age have an attention span of a hyper cocker spaniel. There is always going to be a bored kid who likes to break all the good crayons and kids will do anything for candy especially sit still and be quiet . After that , it’s their Mom and Dad ‘s problem .So you still cannot get to sleep at night and reading is not your thing at night. That’s ok. Maybe music is. Something else I find very helpful in helping me sleep at night is music. I find that in the darkness and silence of the night when I cannot sleep God will use a perfect song to make it’s way into my heart and touch it in a way that the words of that song can be heard much differently to my ears then I’ve ever heard them before in daylight and it can give me a whole new perspective on that song altogether . Where I’ll listen to that song over and over until I fall asleep because God knows it will bring me much peace. It might be a song from my childhood. A reminder of a time when things were good and life was easier. A time I often wish I could go back too if only for one day. It might be a song that reminds me of that high school crush who broke my heart or a song that reminds me of the man I fell in love with. Sometimes the simplest songs I pull up will bring me to tears when I think of the place I was at in my life and I just cry in thanksgiving when I think that a simple song can remind me of a time in history that was so damn awful for me that a song can be so good that it reminds me of a moment that was so horriable that I’m reminded that God got me through it somehow because the mere reminder of that song brings back a memory of a person ,place or thing that was with me through that time that helped me through it. It was that person , place or thing that is the simple reminder of the God I know to be real who has not forgotten me in the worst moments of my life . Who was with me all along . Only I never realized it at the time . I just knew in my heart that I had to keep singing in that moment of despair because I knew everything would be ok because the God I knew and loved gave up his only Son to die for me and in the moment of my darkest hour if the only thing I can remember is that I have Jesus that is all I really need then I have much to be thankful for. All will be right with my soul.Last night I found myself up all night. Another restless night for Camille. Nothing new. I am not a sleeper with regular hours because I’m pretty nocturnal. I’m like a hamster without the wheel. I try not to do much reading at night because it does tend to give me more headaches so lately I have been listening to music. Sometimes I am just clueless on what to listen too. So most times I’ll ask the Holy Spirit to pick me out some songs to put me to sleep and that’s the honest to God truth. The Spirit of God picks me out some of the best music that has brought me some of the best memories while stirring up some fine memories that will not only bring me a good nights rest but will often bring me some great memories or a regret of a musician I never seen in concert that I’ll often share with my Facebook friends as well. It has been quite interesting really . As I really have no regrets . I just like to live my regrets through other peoples experiences because then those regrets turn into awesome stories I get to relieve through another person’s shoes when they share them with me and then those regrets disappear and turn into my memories of that person’s story that they shared with me . Whether publicly or privately. You wouldn’t believe the stories that have been shared with me through the regrets I have shared with other people of the musicians I have never seen in concert. Because of one song that has pulled me through a tough time in my life . Or a song that has reminded me of a tough person that has pulled me through a tough time in my life. Those lyrics to those words in that song become almost holy when they bring you to tears and you realize that the person responsible for pulling you through some rough moments in your life that your reminded by in just one song that you love so much that the song becomes something so great that you forget about the tough moment in your life and you only remember the tough person in your life that pulled you through that thought time . That’s when everything becomes right with your soul and you really can get a great night sleep .Last night I could not sleep , so once again . I’m asking the Lord for his help in putting me to sleep. I had a blog to write. I had spent the day with my Mom driving to Indianapolis and back . I was pretty tired. I wasn’t feeling the best and I was fighting a headache and like always I write with one hand and battle the Devil and his lies with the other. He knows I’m not a perfect person. What right do I have to write anything about the Lord. I’m no Priest, Pastor , Minister or Bible School Teacher . Obviously not , you read it yourself . I had to start out with Children’s Bible books with illustrations because I could not pronounce any of the names in the Bible correctly for a bunch of four and five year olds . Many times I have asked God why me ? I am not a smart woman . I have never been to collage . Up until three years ago I was spelling the word grateful – greatful. I’m constantly recorrecting my spell check because I think I can spell better and because quite frankly I think there should be a two D’s..in the word Kindergarten . But more importantly I have asked God why me ? I am the world’s biggest sinner . You have no idea how much the Devil comes at me and how much I fail in a days time . Oh but I assure you the Devil and my Lord knows. My Lord knows my mouth . He knows the thorn in my side and yet he will not remove it anymore then he did the Apostle Paul’s and yet he still gives me the gift of writing . Why ? To make me look like a hypocrite ? I don’t feel like a hypocrite when I am writing. Though I know I am anything but a perfect person. As much as I love to write and I am so thankful for the gift of writing . I ask that no one see me as a person who does not sin because I write and speak very openly about the Lord. I am a very sinful person who needs the Lord and asks the Lord for just as much Mercy and Grace as the next person. So why Lord would you still give me the gift to write when I am uneasy at night and cannot sleep and have burdens and weights on my shoulders that I bare and a hard time getting to sleep and resting at night ? Especially when you know that I have tribulation, trials , the devil bothering me non stop . It’s just me , you and Jesus and the Holy Sprit tonight and the song in my heart that’s it . Everyone else in the world is sleeping right now I feel. I have nothing else to give . Just my sin. And do you know what God says to me everynight when I can’t sleep? That’s all I ever asked for. That’s all I ever ask from any of my children is your sin. You hand over your sin and I’ll give you you rest. Sometimes it’s too good to be true because I am that much of a sinner and then I’ll ask him . How come ? After everything I did today? You watched me misbehave ? I know better . You taught better . What got into me ? I can’t blame the devil for everything. I want to do better yet I still keep failing . I have Jesus . What is wrong with me ? Yet you still continue to give me great gifts ? Do you know his answer has never changed since my very first blog I have ever wrote. I am still the same imperfect Camille as I was in blog #1 as I am in blog #241 . When I ask him why me ? I am sinful , imperfect and uneducated person ? Why me God ? Why give me good gifts when I am such a sinful child ? He still answers me the same way he always does . His answer never changes . Because God never changes. I’m not looking for perfection I am looking for the willing and the Devil does not want you to know that.
#240Have you ever witnessed a kid wipe out on their bicycle ? At first it’s kinda funny right ? I know I’m mean but come on , who hasn’t wiped out on their bike ? It’s a part of life . You have to learn to ride a bike . Most likely your gonna wipe out at one time or another. For me, the funny part isn’t the wipe out because I’m not that heartless . It’s the reaction of the spectators and the reaction of the poor kid who wiped out. It’s just kinda funny after you know they’re really not hurt and they just kinda wipe out and they have that look on their face as they’re laying there with their bike on top of them with their legs all intertwined around the body of the bike and wheel of the bike is facing their head and looking up at you like ,” is someone gonna do something ?!” Like they’re in shock that they wiped out . Even after the bike has been removed off of them . It’s like they don’t even care where their bike went , who took it off of them , off they go hobbling (and that’s if the scuff , scratch , road burn or injury ) will allow them to walk . For my kids or for I when I was a kid , it was usually a scuffed up knee and let me tell you those were the worst. The kind where you don’t need a band aid you just want one. Ya sure , until your Mom takes you in the bathroom and pours something on it and starts blowing or fanning the skid mark and what the heck was that red stuff she poured on it back in the day !? Did they not have neosporin back in 1980!? I just wanted a snoopy bandaid for crying out loud and a little TLC in my darkest hour – was that too much to ask?! Would someone please get this banana seat bike off of me !? Because clearly It was too big for this little 7 year old !That’s why I laugh at a kid who wipes out on a bike because I lived . I’m 47 now and I lived through that banana seat bike falling on me at age 7 in my drive way on 12th street . Where I laid there all tangled up , waiting for someone to come get the dang thing off of me. Where my Mom walked me into the bathroom as I hobbled into the back door thinking I’d never get on that bike again because I hated it . The bike where my Dad had to go and move it out of the drive way when he got home from work and move it to the side because he couldn’t pull into the drive way I don’t know how many times because I left it in the drive way I don’t know how many times . The bike that took me up and down 12th street with my cousin Lance everyday in the summer . Where we made our stops all day long from 76 gas station when it came to town to the last day burger chief left town . I put a lot of miles on that banana seat bike with my cousin . It went down the Devil’s backbone at Hanna Nutman even . It even ran over people. It was a beast. True story. The day I got it on my birthday . Of course I couldn’t ride it. My cousin April and I decided to take it for a spin and since it was a banana seat.I got on the front and she got on the back and as we went up and down Meibers . April peddling with both our hands on the handle bars. Mind you this was at my birthday party . All kids hopped up on surgar ,ice cream and cake. Our neighbor boy Alberto decided to jump in front of us as we were going full speed and I thought April was steering and she thought I was and well … tragedy struck and Alberto got clipped 😬. We just kept going. Neither one of us looking back. I suppose that would be considered a hit and run . I don’t know I just remember saying that “we just hit Alberto !”and April saying ,” I thought you were steering !” and me saying ,” I don’t know how to steer !” age 7 and 10 and we were already passing the buck.If you think about it . Kids really are just minture forms of adults . When it comes to passing the buck and moving on with life. Especially when it comes to being happy with where they are in life they’re actually better then adults. You know why ? Because kids don’t play the victim very long. They learn to choose love and move on. They realize that the bike is not on them anymore when they crash their bike in life.Saturday I had a real eye opening experience in my life. For two years now . I have been that kid who has crashed their bike in life ,laying there with the bike on them . Only my family hasn’t really laughed about me crashing. Because it hasn’t really been funny. Because I admit a injury will change you and my injury that happened at work two years ago changed me in the worst possible way. The thing about an injury , is that it doesn’t have too . Unless you want it too. You have to get up and get back on that bike again as quickly as you can and not lay stagnate.Up until Saturday I actually thought I had got up and was actually on that bike again just because I was up and going on with life and going through the motions of this life simply because I was stuck in it. You see, you can show up at the birthday parties. Go to church every sunday , scroll down on facebook , do all the physical therapy , read all the self help books you can but if you can’t learn to love where you are at in your life and the situation God has put you in and truly love the people who helped get you there . Whether good or bad your not gonna go any further. For me , I have not made peace with where I have been in two years . I have not been at peace with where I am for a long time. I’ve been stuck. I kept telling myself I forgave the people that were responsible for my injury , responsible for my life ,my situation, for me losing my job, for the loss of my income ,for my financial situation , for how my life has turned out . The last 30 years, but the truth is – I really didn’t because I could not make peace with where I am at in my life right now. I could not make peace with my body , with my finances ,with my home , with the people in my life and my physical health was taking a toll. Do you know . A week ago today. I was so sick that I was losing so much blood that my Doctor sent me to the ER and the moment I told them my symptoms and what had been going on. They stuck a IV in my arm before they got me registered. I know my body. I know I have not been right for quite some time. I left that hospital diagnosed with Colitis and medication and literature that would make your head spin. If you do not know what colitis is. I strongly suggest you look it up. I am 47 years old and I have a lot of life to live. Yet two months ago I did not want to live it. Do not be fooled that Christians are above taking their life because I am here to tell you that they are not. Mental illness is out there . Mental illness is as real as cancer and is as real as the nose on my face. When your not on the right medications it can be brutal. When you do not want to take your medications it can be brutal . When they are trying to get your medications right it can be brutal. Dealing with the Devil is brutal. Dealing with the Devil when you don’t know the Word of God is brutal . But you know what is even more brutal ? Dealing with the Devil when he knows you do know the Word of God. Because your the people he is gonna target the most. Your the people he is going after . Because he knows you will not think twice to help a Brother and Sister in need. Do you know most people have the Word of God embedded in their hearts ,minds and souls and they do not even know it ? It’s not found in a church pew folks . Let me tell you though. If you can get in a church pew each week . Praise the Lord !The more times the better . Whose more physically fit ? A person sitting in front of a TV at home or a person whose camping, hiking , walking, swimming, at the gym , gardening , staying active? Church is all of that in one place. That is where the Word of God is alive and present. The Alter is where the treadmill is. That is where the rubber meets the road. Where the body and blood of Jesus Christ is found. You can lose more pounds on a treadmill. You shed more sin when your reminded who took your sins away and your at the Communion rail with your Savior. He lifts those burdens and that weight right off your shoulders . The shame and guilt you were never ment to carry when you gather at the table of the Lord in remembrance of him. Where two or more gathered in his name . He will be there. He’s alive. That is where he takes that invisable bike off of you when you crash and wipe out. The sin that has been plaguing you and I for years is lifted off of you.My problem that I have had for two years is that I come home and look at my life , I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see and I deliberately grab that bicycle back , right off the cross every Sunday that Jesus just took off of me and I say to him “give that back to me . I like the heaviness, the shame ,burden , stress ,depression and darkness in my life . Give it back to me . I’m not worthy of anything better. I want to lay here in self pity and not get better. Thanks for the offer but I can do it better. I know you want to kiss my boo boo. But it’s gonna hurt too much and I don’t want to do the work and get back on the bike and enjoy a different life of different experiences . Thanks anywho. I like being angry. I’m afraid to get better because I want those dirty rats to pay for what they did to me. I’m afraid to get hurt again. I’m afraid to go back and be a hard worker like I once was because where did it get me my whole life ? I paid into a system my whole life since I was 15 years old and now that system does not believe that I can’t bend or twist. I am so angry I hate life . Leave me the hell alone and let me die already .” So I lay around stagnant. Get fatter and stare at the tv and ask God when can I go home to see my Grandparents? Is today the day ? I sure do miss my Uncle.Last week I was probably at my sickest. I mean I was sicker then a dog . It was by the Grace of God that last weeks blog was even published and that I was even able to get to a seminar saturday for a inner wealth to listen to a man who basically hit me between the eyes with a 2×4. It was just what the Doctor ordered. It was time. I know that God was using this man to straighten me up and that wasn’t all the people God has been using in my life to get the job done. Sitting there listening to this man talk for 9 hours. These tears were going down my face . Thinking to myself how did I get to this point in my life ? A month ago I did not want to be here and now I can’t wait to go see my family at a graduation party! What the heck ? I was begging for the Lord to take me home a month ago . I still remember the night . Looking at the cabinet of all the bottles of pills I had thinking to myself.. hmmm… I had a lot of medication here . Hmmm….pause. That’s all the Devil needs is that pause folks. That pause is the crack that gets him in the door . That is why it is so very important that you watch the people in your life . Your CHILDREN , your PARENTS. YOURSELF. Because when I paused . It was not a good pause.I am so grateful. That I had my phone beside me in the kitchen and that at the time I was in the middle of a little house on the praire debate. Because it was my good friend John Edwards that kept me up all evening going back and forth with Little house on the praire fun facts that night that kept me laughing. I think we kept all of social media up all night. That night was the day that I found out by my new neurologist that a part of my memory will never come back . I had one too many concussions and there’s really nothing that can be done. She advises I go see a psychiatrist. Really ? You wanna talk about a bike wipe out and all from a injury at work? No…. I’m learning now that the stress and anxiety causes the stomach issues , that causes the colitis. I pass out from the stomach issues. Passing out causes me to hit my head. Colitis leads to all kinds off bad stuff. Crohns disease . Intestinal cancer. Colon Cancer. I got a eye opening Saturday that God has been wanting something better for me . This is a warning . He wants me to stop being stagnant with my life. Stagnant water is yucky.If your reading this. He wants something better for you in your life. If your not healthy. The first thing is to love your situation your in right now. God has you there for a reason. I dont know what it is or why. It might be the worst job ,with the worst boss with the worst pay but love it like your making a million bucks and that boss is your best friend so you can get the heck out of there sooner. I started to love my job two years ago and that was the truth . When I truly started to love my job . I mean really love my job . Looking forward to going in and getting there on time and you could go back and ask every one of my past co workers. I was never on time. I should have been canned. My boss never wrote me up once for it. I got warned a couple times but I knew he’d never write me up because he knew there would never be a single man out there that could or would do the job I was doing and work as hard and love what I was doing the way that I did. Just loving my situation God changed my situation . I just didn’t love the way he changed it for me. So I decided to lay here the last 2 years in the crash position waiting for someone to take the bike off me. When Jesus is willing to do it . I just keep wanting it back. I found out Saturday why.You know how a kid gets hurt and you make a big deal and they cry more and more and they feel worse and worse ? My family has loved me so much my whole life . That they do feel sorry for me . That it is easy for them to baby me so I guess I’m not gonna get better that way. I’m gonna get worse and stay that way. The night I paused and wiped out like a random kid you would see on a bike where you just laugh because it’s funny. God did send me a Angel in disguise. A funny one actually. One I’m very grateful for. One who would laugh at a random kid that crashes his bike . He sent me John Edwards. A friend I went to school with like 30 years ago I see on facebook every now and then . We have a lot in common. Mainly Little House on the Praire. Thank God for that . You never want to leave a long pause when you start having dark thoughts ..ever. That is what that helmet is for . Keep your helmet on at all times. Put on the WHOLE Armor of God people . Not just some of the Armor. Ephesians 6:11 I was unprotected. I did not have my helmet on. I am very grateful and very blessed that there was someone who was my helmet and protected me from what could have been worse then a concussion. It could have cost me a lot if the Devil would have got more then a thumbnail in my thoughts. I have seen him do it to many believers. I am grateful that John used his humor to laugh at this girl who was in the process of crashing her bike. But like me and my cousin April when we clipped my neighbor Alberto when we ran him over with my banana seat bike , he didn’t die . The Devil didn’t die but he didn’t get in my head either. Thank God because I am still here. I got back up on that bike and was well enough to get to that inner wealth program Saturday. It was the best 9 hours of my life. I learned that the truth really will set you free. It isn’t always easy to take and I do have a lot of work ahead of me but I am grateful to be here . I’m grateful that my body is telling me something. That it wants to heal and healing is a very good thing. God has me home for a purpose right now. I need to enjoy this time and not reject it. I need to love the people that hurt me. It is not enough to forgive them . I need to actually unconditionally love them and be grateful that this happened because it got me here and this is where God needed me to be to get to the next step in my life. The sooner I learn to love my situation, the sooner God will change my situation , the sooner I move on to the next step in my life where God has even better things waiting for me. Because God has so much more for all of us in this life. I refuse to stay stagnant in one place when there is so much more life out there. Stagnant water creates mosquitos and moss . It smells. Running water is pretty and I want to get back to feeling like fresh , clear running water in my veins. I want to get back to feeling alive again . Hearing the birds, nature, the sun , wind chimes, the breeze. It has been a long time since I have appreciated this world and great conversations. Getting real with yourself and taking responsibility for yourself and just loving where your at in every situation, the good, the bad , the ugly, every minute of every day can really get you there even in the middle of a great wipe out and the Devil does not want you to know that.
#238
365 Things The Devil Doesnt Want You To Know 